Sunday, June 3, 2012

Maybe this isn't for me...

My entire life if anyone asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up, my response was to be a wife and a mother.  I couldn't wait to get to that point in my life and was ecstatic when the time came for me to be a stay-at-home mom.  In case anyone out there is wondering, it's not a glamorous job.  But I've always known this was my calling.  Until this week...

This week was rough.  Like the kind of rough where I was wiping kitchen counters or changing diapers or cutting chicken nuggets or feeding a bottle and just crying uncontrollably.  Robby would just walk around the house whining.  Nothing was wrong with him, he just whined to hear himself whine.  Talk about grating on your nerves!  Then Charlie decided that if he wasn't being held upright, being fed, or asleep he was just going to scream.  The boys napped, but never at the same time and not for very long.   So, I couldn't get anything done and thought I was going to lose my mind.  It was so bad, Tim had to come home Friday for a little bit to help me because I truly did not think I was going to make it through the day.  As I was holding a screaming baby and trying to keep a toddler from throwing all his food on the floor to the dog, I actually asked God why He had chosen me to be a mom.  Maybe I'm not cut out for this "job".  Maybe He made a mistake giving me two boys, especially this close in age.  Maybe I wasn't really called to do this.  Tim got home every evening to a frazzled wife who was begging for help with the boys and no clue what to put on the table for dinner!  I hate feeling out of control, and this week I was, both emotionally and physically.

I dreaded this weekend because Tim was going to be gone.  I didn't know how I would survive not having any help or relief at the end of the day with them acting like this.  He left yesterday morning and from the time he left, things have gone well.  Robby has played happily with all of his toys.  He is using more and more words so it's easier to understand what he's wanting, which leads to less and less whining!  Charlie took a 2.5 hour nap yesterday morning in his crib, then Robby took a 3.5 hour nap yesterday afternoon!  Their naps didn't overlap, which is usually a saving grace for me during the day, but yesterday it was actually a blessing.  Robby and I played with his puzzles and animals while Charlie napped in the morning.  That was the first lengthy bit of time I've had just one on one with him since before Charlie was born.  In the afternoon, I was able to just hold and love on Charlie.  It brought back those sweet memories when Robby was a baby and nothing else was taking my attention from him.  Charlie was content, full of smiles and coos for me.  For dinner, Robby and I split Chick-fil-a and not a single bit of it ended up on the floor!  :-)  Bath time and bedtime happened and when I sat down on the couch, it clicked with me what this weekend was: confirmation.  Confirmation that I AM cut out for this.  Confirmation that He didn't make a mistake with His plan.  Confirmation that I AM called to do this.

Some of the best advice that several of my "been there, done that" mom friends told me when I first had Robby and that I try to tell new moms as well is that everything is a phase.  The crying newborn?  A phase.  The sleeping problems?  A phase.  The teething?  A phase.  The not obeying?  A phase.  The constant whining?  A phase.  It helps to be able to get through weeks like last week when I remember that.  But you know what else is a phase?

The sleeping cuddles

The gummy smiles

The post-bath snuggles

The times when the world stops and nothing else matters

All of it.  As a mom, I have to remember that I have to take the good with the bad and remember that it all comes together to make up each of my boys' childhoods.  The phases turn into a lifetime.


Kristal said...

Thank you for this reminder. It's so true!

Kristal said...

And your boys are so lucky to have you as their mommy!

Sarah said...

Omg I've had quite the week too. I can totally relate to the constant whining just to hear himself whine. Plus he decides to not nap well at all which means I've gotten no break during the day. And he follows me everywhere! I try to tell myself the same things you do-it won't last forever. Hang in there--I know you're doing the best you can and are doing an amazing job. We just have to remind ourselves that every once and awhile :)

Emily Tyler said...

I just loved this post. You are a wonderful mom and I love watching you from a distance. In fact, you are helping prepare me! And I love how you did the pics with each of the boys!